Swift and Kelce Split and Ticketmaster Died for Your Sins Again

300% — that’s how fast Ticketmaster tickets allegedly jumped the second Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce “broke up,” like Wall Street just found a new cryptocurrency called Emotional Damage.

TMZ says the resale market basically hit the NOS button, and Ticketmaster “crashed again,” because of course it did. This is a company that sees a mild breeze and responds by falling over like a Victorian child.

And it wasn’t just prices. The internet spun up a 1.2 million-vote blame game, which is beautiful because we can’t get 1.2 million people to agree the sky is blue, but we can absolutely unite to scream at a ticketing monopoly like it’s a public utility we’re trapped in with.

Ticketmaster will inevitably describe this as “unprecedented demand” and “traffic surges.”

Meanwhile, the only people who win are the resellers who treat breakups like earnings calls, and the platforms that collect fees the way landlords collect “pet rent” for your goldfish.

You’re the one refreshing a broken page at 11:02am, watching the price climb in real time like you’re bidding on oxygen, and then paying $71 in “convenience fees” for the convenience of being emotionally extorted.