Avalanche Dropped 5 Goals in 20 Minutes Like the NHL Was a Tutorial

Five goals in the first period. On 26 shots. That’s not a hockey game, that’s a public execution with skates.

Colorado rolled into the rink and immediately turned it into a group project where one kid does everything and everyone else just stares at the PowerPoint like it’s in a foreign language. The Avalanche hung 5 in the opening 20 minutes, then kept going until the scoreboard read 9-2 — the kind of final that makes you check if the other team’s goalie got replaced by a Roomba.

Nazem Kadri scored twice, because of course he did. When the ice tilts that hard, even your fourth-line guy starts feeling like Connor McDavid in a contract year. This wasn’t “momentum.” This was “someone forgot to plug in the opponent.”

The broadcast will call it “a fast start” and “a complete team effort.”

Also, 26 shots in one period is less “aggressive forecheck” and more “we’re taking batting practice and the goalie is the tee.” That’s the kind of stat that gets screenshot, posted in the group chat, and used to cyberbully your beer-league goalie until he starts claiming he’s ‘day-to-day’ to avoid your Tuesday night game.

Meanwhile, some poor goalie is going to sit in front of a microphone afterward and say he has to “be better.”