Avalanche Dropped 5 Goals in 20 Minutes Like the Game Was Bugged

Five goals in the first period on 26 shots. That’s not hockey, that’s your little cousin on NHL 24 after he learned what "skill stick" means and started bullying the CPU for serotonin.

Colorado hit glitch mode and never logged off, steamrolling to a 9-2 win that should come with a parental advisory and a hotline number for the opposing goalie.

ESPN will politely call it “an offensive explosion.”

A 9-2 final isn’t a loss, it’s a public service announcement. It’s the kind of score where the broadcast starts showing crowd reactions because the actual game becomes workplace harassment.

And here’s the part that should annoy you even if you think icing is only for cupcakes: this is what happens when one side has actual resources and depth, and the other side is just trying to survive long enough to get to the next paycheck. Sports is capitalism with better lighting.

Meanwhile your ticket price is still going to be $140 to sit behind a pillar, parking will still cost more than a decent bottle of wine, and the arena will still try to sell you a “premium” hot dog like it has a college degree.