Salesforce Stock Tanks 43% and Benioff Decides to Do ICE Jokes

Salesforce is down 43% in a year and Marc Benioff walked onstage and chose… ICE jokes.

Not “oops, awkward dad pun” jokes. The kind that make your coworkers open Slack like it’s the emergency exit and type, “Dude. What.” and “Deeply horrifying,” per Business Insider.

And when your own Slack GM, Rob Seaman, is in the threads saying “I cannot defend or explain them,” that’s not “internal feedback.” That’s your team live-streaming a hostage video in corporate-safe font.

Salesforce hasn’t apologized. Which is a bold strategy when your entire brand is “trust,” your flagship product is literally called Slack, and your employees are using it like a group therapy waiting room.

Meanwhile, the stock’s been doing the limbo in hell. Down 43% means shareholders aren’t mad, they’re spiritually deceased. The vibes are already rancid, layoffs have been the industry’s favorite hobby, and then the CEO decides to add “immigration enforcement stand-up set” to the quarterly agenda.

And here’s the part that hits you, the person with a job and a pulse: when the line stops going up, the people with spreadsheets start hunting for “culture issues” to blame, and somehow it’s never the executives. It’s always you, your “tone,” your “fit,” your “performance,” your “not laughing hard enough at the boss.”