Florida Won 114–55 and March Madness Started Filing for Divorce

114–55. Florida turned a “tournament game” into a live-action crime scene and still had time to rack up 29 assists like they were running a passing clinic for court-ordered community service.

And they weren’t even the only ones catching bodies.

The first round of the 2026 NCAA men’s tournament just set a record for being violently unromantic: 13 of 32 games were decided by 20+ points. That’s not “Madness.” That’s “Favorites doing cardio while the underdogs update their LinkedIn.”

Friday was especially gross. Favorites went 16–0 for the first time since 1992, which is basically the sports equivalent of your landlord raising rent and then asking if you’ve “considered budgeting.”

Everyone’s already dusting off the “Cinderella is dead” thinkpieces and blaming NIL and the transfer portal like those are supernatural forces and not just capitalism with a jersey on.

Meanwhile, the NCAA will keep calling this “student-athlete empowerment” while schools print money, coaches get lifetime deals, and the players finally get a slice—then get screamed at for “ruining tradition” by people who treat unpaid labor like a vibe.

And you, the viewer, are supposed to pretend this is chaos while the same brands keep making the Sweet 16 like it’s a subscription renewal.