Trump Wants to Turn the World’s Oil Chokepoint into TSA PreCheck

One skinny strip of water moves about 20% of the planet’s oil, and Donald Trump just suggested we slap a U.S. checkpoint on it like it’s the LaGuardia security line.

He told reporters the U.S. would blockade the Strait of Hormuz and intercept ships that “paid Iran” — which is a fun way of saying: if your tanker’s Venmo history looks sus, Uncle Sam might pull you over in the middle of global commerce.

Because Hormuz isn’t some random puddle. It’s the artery. You squeeze it, oil jitters, insurers panic, shipping reroutes, and every algorithm that prices energy starts freebasing volatility.

Trump’s pitch is basically sanctions with a flashlight and a badge. “Intercept ships tied to Iran payments” sounds like law-and-order cosplay until you realize half the world buys energy through a daisy chain of middlemen, shell companies, and “definitely-not-Iran” paperwork that could win an Oscar.

Meanwhile, oil traders get their favorite thing: a headline that prints money. Defense contractors get theirs: a new reason to invoice taxpayers like it’s bottle service. Regular people get what they always get: surprise inflation with a patriotic sticker on it.